Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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