so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
