Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
