Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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