At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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