I should be sponsored by Trojan
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm both gender and math confused
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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