Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
