If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
