Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
