i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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