People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
