On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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