you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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