the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
