Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
