How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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