Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
