he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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