awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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