So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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