I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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