All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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