Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
