I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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