I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
