drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
