I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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