It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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