Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
