At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
