omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
