Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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