If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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