guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my sisters under your porch take her home
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
