"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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