Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
