i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
