Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
