I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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