Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
