And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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