I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
