so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
