I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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