my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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