Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
