he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Randomize
