let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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