I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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