...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
