final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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