i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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