I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I love you. Go after that dick
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
