That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
