You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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