There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
