is your mom at the bar?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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