Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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