Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
