I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
