I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
