my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
