Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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