id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
