I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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