the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
