FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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