I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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