OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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