When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Boobs speak an international language.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
