i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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