I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
