i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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