Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
