They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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