my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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